


sparks filled with hope

by poisonrationalitie



Category: Counting On (TV) RPF
Genre: F/F, Femslash February, One Shot, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-17 17:28:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29475471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poisonrationalitie/pseuds/poisonrationalitie
Summary: Hiding in a crowd.
Relationships: Jana Duggar/Laura DeMaisie
Kudos: 4





	sparks filled with hope

**Author's Note:**

> For Femslash February, 11 - Flares. Title taken from Flares by the Script.

They watched the boys from the back door, sitting in camp chairs with plastic cups of sparkling juice in hand. They scurried over the green hill like ants, moving quickly, setting everything into place. Jana was still half-convinced they were accidentally going to blow themselves up. The cameras hovered, as if waiting for it. She wondered if her father would be thankful for the ratings or disappointed for the loss of a grandchild-creator. Were there still nineteen of them if one of them was dead? They never did count Jubilee.

The crew split, half sticking to the boys and half heading inside, to capture the little girls cooking for all their guests tonight. Her mom had warned Jana to keep out of the road; they needed to start focusing more on the little ones now that they were getting closer to coming of age, and having Jana in the mix would just distract viewers. After Justin, they weren’t going to risk a big wedding on a name nobody knew.

She didn’t mind. Honestly. She got the job of supervising her little brothers, despite all of them being legal adults. It was a day off, in actuality. She sat side-by-side with Laura, recounting stories they’d told one another a thousand times, sipping their juice, laughing when Jason took a tumble down the hill.

“He’s always falling down or into something,” Jana said, shaking her head. Jason stuck two thumbs up and got to his feet, jogging back up to meet the others.

The boys finished, and then filmed some talking bits. Jana and Laura packed up their camp chairs, chucked their cups in the bin, and headed inside. Jana’s stomach rumbled. The thick smell of tater tots and greasy food struck her nose. Jordyn appeared in the doorway of the industrial kitchen with a tray of cookies, Mackynzie hot on her heels, the both of them beaming. The camera swivelled towards her. Jana smiled sweetly.

“Wow, girls,” she said. “What did you make?” Jordyn and Mackynzie immediately burst into a list of the goods they’d prepared, with Johannah chipping in here and there. Jennifer stared out the window. That was just Jenni. Jordyn insisted on a taste-test and Jana and Laura acquiesced. They slid onto the stools and tried her cookies. They were still warm. Jordyn watched them closely, biting her lip. Laura grinned at Jana.Jana smiled back.

“That’s really good, Jordyn,” Laura said. Jordyn’s face lit up.

“Thank you!” she exclaimed. Jana finished hers.

“Good job, Jordyn,” she said. After the cameras got a few good shots of them, Jana slipped away with Laura in tow, taking her cue from Michelle’s icy-sweet stare from the dining room.

They headed upstairs to the girls’ room, and sat on Jana’s double bed. Laura flopped back, spreading her arms wide. Jana looked down at her. Raised an eyebrow.

“I’m enjoying the peace and quiet while it lasts,” Laura said. “Who knows who’ll be here tonight?” It looked set to be a late one. Joy and Austin would probably claim the guest room, sending Evelyn to join the girls, and Meredith would follow Mackynzie into the bed that had once been Jinger’s. If Jessa and Ben weren’t out by nine, they’d stay the night, Jessa reclaiming her old bed and bringing Ivy with her. Now that there were only five (six, including Laura) of them left, and none of them fussing toddlers or rambunctious children, they had settled into a sort of peace. There were no diaper changes, no Jessa and Jinger whispering until all hours, no phones buzzing with messages from a suitor. Tonight would be different. It was strange that something she’d once been so used to was now a rarity that had to be prepared for.

Jana laid back on the bed, folding her hands across her stomach. Laura adjusted her arm, and Jana sat up for a moment to let it slide beneath her. She laid back down on Laura’s arm. Laura squeezed her shoulder. She wriggled her toes. The day had flown by and she’d not done an ounce of hard work. She flexed her fingers. The little voice in her head began to chatter. You should have helped, you should have done more, don’t be useless, have a servant’s heart, God rewards those who work hard, you should always seek to serve. 

“Stop,” Laura warned. Jana took a breath.

“I don’t know how you can tell.”

“I know you.”

That was true. She wriggled into Laura, who held her tighter, tracing circles with her thumb. Jana’s bones sunk into the mattress. It didn’t matter what she did anymore; the fatigue had crept into the marrow and refused to leave. She could never make up for the amount of sleep she’d lost over her life, for the amount of time she’d spent standing, for the weight of all the babies and children she’d held, carried, lifted. Laura rolled towards her. Jana rolled onto her side to face her, and balled a fist in the front of her shirt. They spent a while like that, locked in their little daydream, drunk on a lazy day in the sun.

They stirred when Johannah loudly entered the room, as had become her custom after walking in on her sisters too many times. Jana quickly untangled herself and got to her feet. She ran a brush through her hair. Laura opened the curtain divider and made small talk as Johannah trudged to the bathroom, clothes bundled in her arms. Jennifer came in and curled up in bed, scrolling endlessly on her phone. Jana went for a shower. As she scrubbed herself with shea butter wash, she thought of Laura. She did her best not to, but these days, the sinful thoughts hung around regardless of her prayers. It wasn’t as if she tried to avoid the stimulus. She patted her face dry with a towel and dressed. Laura waited outside the door, and smiled at her cheekily as they exchanged places.

The crowds began arriving around five – Jessa and Ben, Joy and Austin, Josiah and Lauren, the Caldwells, John and Abbie. Jana gave John and Abbie a quick sidehug and then took Gracie in her arms, cooing over her. Laura joined them in laughing as Jana did her best to entertain her little niece. Her heart swelled. Usually, she was too exhausted to dream, but when she did, it was of John flying her and Laura and Abbie and Grace to an island far, far away, where they could spend long days on the beach barbecuing and hike through the mountains and teach Gracie about the trees and the insects and how God made them all and they’d never see a camera again.

They had dinner, and Jessa joked about Jana’s not having to cook. Jana smiled thinly, and Laura brushed her hand against Jana’s wrist under the table. The little girls’ food was a roaring success. Even Jennifer looked proud, her thumbs flying across her screen. Jill hadn’t been invited. They were filming.

Afterwards, the boys corralled them outside, and Jana returned Grace to her parents. The air was warm and thick, a blanket of humidity. Her youngest brothers (minus Justin) jogged out to their set-up, hooting and whistling. Lauren Caldwell giggled so much Jana thought her face would fall off. Kendra had a rival in her. Jim Bob moved to the front of the crowd and began chattering away. Laura was at Jana’s side. They were hemmed in by people, little kids weaving through their legs. They were told to shout a count to three.

“ONE. TWO. THREE!”

The boys set off their fireworks and their flares. The fireworks shot straight up. Jana held her breath until they were was no chance of them setting fire to anything. The flares glowed vibrant, bright reds and golds, stark against the dark horizon, illuminating the silhouettes of the five boys. The world fell silent. Waiting. Watching. Laura’s pinky locked around Jana’s.

The sky burst into a thousand colours, arcing high above Tonitown. The boys shrieked their success. Evelyn began to cry. Laura gripped Jana’s hand tightly, almost crushing her fingers. Jana squeezed back. Nobody was watching them. They held hands, like the marrieds were, like anyone else would’ve if they’d been together for five years. Each explosion of colour blasted her eardrums, and her grip tightened. For five whole minutes, they held hands, clinging on. The flares still burned bright on the hill. Jana shut her eyes, letting them burn into her retinas, and felt invincible.


End file.
